Praying for Miracles

When I first found out I was pregnant I joined an on-line forum that a friend of mind recommended. I joined a forum with many other women who were also expecting babies in April 2008. It was an amazing journey to experience with these women. I found a lot of support through this site and learned more than I ever could about being pregnant.

Of course we were all nervous and excited for our babies to make their appearances and April was just so far away. Several of our babies were born premature as early as January and I believe our last baby was born on May 1st.

There are several moms and their babies that I am always thinking of. Our due date club had many unforeseen losses and babies born with tough roads ahead of them. It is amazing the strength these women have.

Ava was born with severe laryngomalcia where parts of her larynx obstruct her airway when breathing. She had surgery yesterday and is at home, but being monitored 24/7. Ava and her family are living week by week and praying that she will not have to have a tracheotomy.

Daniel was born with Cytomegalovirus which caused the loss of his hearing. It is possible that he could have other developmental problems down the road, but only time will tell.

Zac has been in the hospital since he was born. He has undergone 2 heart surgeries and he is almost 3 months old. His family just wants him to be well and to come home.

Maggie was born with Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome where there is an extra 18 chromosomes. She has full Trisomy 18 where every cell has an extra chromosome and has caused several parts of her body to be underdeveloped. From what I understand most babies with this condition do not make it past a year old. I cannot even imagine.

Devin was stillborn. His mother struggled for a couple of years with infertility and was blessed with Devin after her second round of IVF.

Sebastian was born prematurely. He only lived 5 days. How does this happen? I mean, how does any of this happen?

Miracles do happen, don’t they?

I love these little fists of mine

Each week is something new with Caden. He has finally figured the whole "sucking my thumb" deal. He also likes to put his index finger in his mouth with this thumb and at times he gags himself - almost as if he is trying to eat his finger. I end up putting a paci in his mouth when he starts to gag - it scares me. He LOVES staring at his fists! The look on his face is priceless. It's like he is saying "what are these little gadgets and what can I do with them?" His fists are always clenched when he is looking at them. I don't think realizes he can unclench them and grasp things yet - except for my hair. Haha. No wonder moms cut their hair shortly after giving birth.

Last weekend Caden let out his first giggle! It was the cutest thing ever. Although I don't really believe he knew he giggled, but mama heard it. I was so afraid I would miss his first little giggle or laugh. There are so many things I'm afraid I'll miss while working. We really need to win the lottery. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom.

I had a moment today where I felt completely lost and confused on when and what foods to introduce to Caden. I know he should not have anything besides breast milk or formula until 4 months and I plan on going by that recommendation. Lord knows he has gas issues as it is and I don't want to make it worse before his digestive tracks are more developed. Thanks to my friends on-line I think I have figured it out. I'm excited to see Caden's facial expressions when he is able to eat different foods. Ryan and I plan on buying mostly organic fruits and veggies for him and using a food processor. Ryan is very dedicated to eating very little foods with preservatives and I know he wants the same for Caden. I consider myself lucky that he does all the cooking and we are eating healthier now more than ever.

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Did you ever wonder why babies do not blink as often as adults? Ryan did. Well, the tired eye blinks more. Since babies sleep most of the day their eyes do not need as much lubrication, therefore, they rarely blink. Interesting tidbit. I thought so anyway.

2 Month Appointment

Caden had his two month check up at the doctor's yesterday. He now weighs 12 lbs 4 oz and he is 23 inches long. His head measured 15.5 inches. He was 7 lbs 7 oz at birth, 19.5 inches long, and his head was 14 inches. He is growing so well and is in the 50th percentile for all measurements. The doctor seemed pretty impressed with his growth. Caden was smiling and cooing at her too! I really liked this pediatrician. She was very sweet and took her time to answer all of questions. I can't stand those doctors that rush through your appointment and act as like you are part of an assembly line. My OB was like that during my pregnancy, so I definitely won't be going back to her.


Caden also had to get some of his vaccines. I do not agree with the amount of vaccines they recommended giving an infant on their visits. I am all for vaccinations, but giving them 8 in their first visit?! That's insane! I think they give too many at once and too soon. We did get majority of them, but still have to go back for two more when he is 3 months. He received one injection that had 5 vaccines and one oral vaccine. He took the oral like a trooper! His face looked like he was thinking "I know this isn't food, but I guess I have no choice but to swallow it" It was dead silence when she first gave him the injection. His face got beat red and his mouth opened to scream, but no sound was coming out. I lightly blew in his face, so he could catch is breath and he let out his blood curdling scream. Of course, I started crying with him. I felt so bad... It only lasted for about a minute and he took his paci and seemed to be okay. So far he has not had any reactions. He wasn't even that fussy yesterday - just the norm. I still felt sick to my stomach that we had all those chemicals injected into him, but it had to be done. I'm just thankful he had no reactions. I just kept praying to the light above.

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My mom always told me that there is no love like the love you have your child. I know I loved Caden when he was growing inside me for 9 months, but I now know what my mom meant. Every day is a new day with Caden and the love continues to grow and get stronger. He means the world to me and I cannot imagine my life without him. My day is not complete without him. He has brought me so peace since the moment I found out I was pregnant. I used to have bad anxiety and would stress over the smallest things. I think some people were curious how stressed I would be taking care of a baby including me. Looking back when we first brought our dog home- I was a train wreck. I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of this puppy. Maybe Mia was just "practice". I never felt that overwhelming cloud over me with Caden. Everything seemed to come naturally. Yes, I had my moments of crying but it never lasted more than a couple of minutes and hasn't happened in over a month. The only reason I cried was because Caden was crying I didn't know what was wrong with him. Caden gave me peace with myself and life and I am grateful for that.

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Caden isn't the biggest fan of tummy time. He'll hold his head up for less than a minute and then he is face forward crying. He wants to hold his head up, but gets so frustrated. He does pretty well when you hold him up by your shoulder. I was at Walmart the other day and found this mat with a pillow to help them hold up their head. He made it for about 5 minutes or so before he started sucking on the pillow.

"So much better Mommy!"




and just chillin' watching TV

2 Months!

My little man is two months old today. I can't believe it. I remember how slow two months went by when I was pregnant (at least the last two) and now time is going by too fast. I really wish I would have started a journal while I was pregnant with him. I would have wanted Caden to be able to read about his journey before he was born and to know how much I loved him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I wasn't supposed to start my next cycle until Saturday, but I had some home pregnancy tests that you could take up to 5 days early. It was a Wednesday morning and I knew the night before I was going to take the test the next morning. I woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back asleep. Needless to say, I got up and took the test. It came back with two lines almost immediately. I started crying (happy tears of course) and jumped on the bed waking up Ryan to tell him the news. He couldn't have been happier.

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Caden seems to be very amazed with these little fists of his. You'll see him put his arms straight out and look at his hands like it is the best thing since sliced bread. I think of that movie "Look Whose Talking" and I here Mikey's voice talking for Caden. He is sucking on his fist more and more. It's always his left hand. I wonder if that means he will be left handed?





We are getting our routine down with no problem so far. We wake up around 4:15am on work days. {Yawn} Makes me tired while thinking about it. I like getting to work early, so I can leave by 3:30pm and have more time with my son. Caden will typically eat right away and then he falls back asleep in his swing while I get ready. Next is a diaper change, load the car and we are out the door. I'm so thankful he does not have to be in day-care. I think leaving him would be so much harder on me. He stays with his Grandma on Monday, a friend of the family on Tuesday and Thursday, at home with Ryan on Wednesday and with me on Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday he is staying in the house that is next door to the home I grew up in. It's nice driving by our old home every week. It brings back good memories.

First Father's Day

We have a great past two nights. Caden slept through the night for the very first time and two nights in a row. He has been waking around 4-4:30am, which is perfect as that is the time I get up for work. So hopefully he can keep that going. Typically he wakes up around 1:30am and then 4:30am. He does not seem to be as gassy since last Wednesday evening. In fact, he has been such a joy and all smiles. Since Wednesday we have only had two crying fits because he was either too hot or tired.

Today is Ryan's first Father's Day. I put together a collage of pictures of Ryan and Caden with this poem: (I found this poem on Amazon). It made me cry the first time I read it.

MY DADDY'S HAND
Daddy, Take my hand in yours and you will plainly see,
How very much I need you now to love and care for me.
As my little hand grows, I will need you even more,
Everything I do in life, I have never done before.
Teach me to be kind and loving, sharing and forgiving,
Show me through your acts of love the pure joy of living.
The years will pass by quickly and one day I will be grown,
I will pass what you have taught me onto children of my own.
Hold me always in your thoughts and remember when we are apart,
The special love between a child and a daddy's heart.