Praying for Miracles

When I first found out I was pregnant I joined an on-line forum that a friend of mind recommended. I joined a forum with many other women who were also expecting babies in April 2008. It was an amazing journey to experience with these women. I found a lot of support through this site and learned more than I ever could about being pregnant.

Of course we were all nervous and excited for our babies to make their appearances and April was just so far away. Several of our babies were born premature as early as January and I believe our last baby was born on May 1st.

There are several moms and their babies that I am always thinking of. Our due date club had many unforeseen losses and babies born with tough roads ahead of them. It is amazing the strength these women have.

Ava was born with severe laryngomalcia where parts of her larynx obstruct her airway when breathing. She had surgery yesterday and is at home, but being monitored 24/7. Ava and her family are living week by week and praying that she will not have to have a tracheotomy.

Daniel was born with Cytomegalovirus which caused the loss of his hearing. It is possible that he could have other developmental problems down the road, but only time will tell.

Zac has been in the hospital since he was born. He has undergone 2 heart surgeries and he is almost 3 months old. His family just wants him to be well and to come home.

Maggie was born with Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome where there is an extra 18 chromosomes. She has full Trisomy 18 where every cell has an extra chromosome and has caused several parts of her body to be underdeveloped. From what I understand most babies with this condition do not make it past a year old. I cannot even imagine.

Devin was stillborn. His mother struggled for a couple of years with infertility and was blessed with Devin after her second round of IVF.

Sebastian was born prematurely. He only lived 5 days. How does this happen? I mean, how does any of this happen?

Miracles do happen, don’t they?

I love these little fists of mine

Each week is something new with Caden. He has finally figured the whole "sucking my thumb" deal. He also likes to put his index finger in his mouth with this thumb and at times he gags himself - almost as if he is trying to eat his finger. I end up putting a paci in his mouth when he starts to gag - it scares me. He LOVES staring at his fists! The look on his face is priceless. It's like he is saying "what are these little gadgets and what can I do with them?" His fists are always clenched when he is looking at them. I don't think realizes he can unclench them and grasp things yet - except for my hair. Haha. No wonder moms cut their hair shortly after giving birth.

Last weekend Caden let out his first giggle! It was the cutest thing ever. Although I don't really believe he knew he giggled, but mama heard it. I was so afraid I would miss his first little giggle or laugh. There are so many things I'm afraid I'll miss while working. We really need to win the lottery. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom.

I had a moment today where I felt completely lost and confused on when and what foods to introduce to Caden. I know he should not have anything besides breast milk or formula until 4 months and I plan on going by that recommendation. Lord knows he has gas issues as it is and I don't want to make it worse before his digestive tracks are more developed. Thanks to my friends on-line I think I have figured it out. I'm excited to see Caden's facial expressions when he is able to eat different foods. Ryan and I plan on buying mostly organic fruits and veggies for him and using a food processor. Ryan is very dedicated to eating very little foods with preservatives and I know he wants the same for Caden. I consider myself lucky that he does all the cooking and we are eating healthier now more than ever.

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Did you ever wonder why babies do not blink as often as adults? Ryan did. Well, the tired eye blinks more. Since babies sleep most of the day their eyes do not need as much lubrication, therefore, they rarely blink. Interesting tidbit. I thought so anyway.

2 Month Appointment

Caden had his two month check up at the doctor's yesterday. He now weighs 12 lbs 4 oz and he is 23 inches long. His head measured 15.5 inches. He was 7 lbs 7 oz at birth, 19.5 inches long, and his head was 14 inches. He is growing so well and is in the 50th percentile for all measurements. The doctor seemed pretty impressed with his growth. Caden was smiling and cooing at her too! I really liked this pediatrician. She was very sweet and took her time to answer all of questions. I can't stand those doctors that rush through your appointment and act as like you are part of an assembly line. My OB was like that during my pregnancy, so I definitely won't be going back to her.


Caden also had to get some of his vaccines. I do not agree with the amount of vaccines they recommended giving an infant on their visits. I am all for vaccinations, but giving them 8 in their first visit?! That's insane! I think they give too many at once and too soon. We did get majority of them, but still have to go back for two more when he is 3 months. He received one injection that had 5 vaccines and one oral vaccine. He took the oral like a trooper! His face looked like he was thinking "I know this isn't food, but I guess I have no choice but to swallow it" It was dead silence when she first gave him the injection. His face got beat red and his mouth opened to scream, but no sound was coming out. I lightly blew in his face, so he could catch is breath and he let out his blood curdling scream. Of course, I started crying with him. I felt so bad... It only lasted for about a minute and he took his paci and seemed to be okay. So far he has not had any reactions. He wasn't even that fussy yesterday - just the norm. I still felt sick to my stomach that we had all those chemicals injected into him, but it had to be done. I'm just thankful he had no reactions. I just kept praying to the light above.

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My mom always told me that there is no love like the love you have your child. I know I loved Caden when he was growing inside me for 9 months, but I now know what my mom meant. Every day is a new day with Caden and the love continues to grow and get stronger. He means the world to me and I cannot imagine my life without him. My day is not complete without him. He has brought me so peace since the moment I found out I was pregnant. I used to have bad anxiety and would stress over the smallest things. I think some people were curious how stressed I would be taking care of a baby including me. Looking back when we first brought our dog home- I was a train wreck. I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of this puppy. Maybe Mia was just "practice". I never felt that overwhelming cloud over me with Caden. Everything seemed to come naturally. Yes, I had my moments of crying but it never lasted more than a couple of minutes and hasn't happened in over a month. The only reason I cried was because Caden was crying I didn't know what was wrong with him. Caden gave me peace with myself and life and I am grateful for that.

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Caden isn't the biggest fan of tummy time. He'll hold his head up for less than a minute and then he is face forward crying. He wants to hold his head up, but gets so frustrated. He does pretty well when you hold him up by your shoulder. I was at Walmart the other day and found this mat with a pillow to help them hold up their head. He made it for about 5 minutes or so before he started sucking on the pillow.

"So much better Mommy!"




and just chillin' watching TV

2 Months!

My little man is two months old today. I can't believe it. I remember how slow two months went by when I was pregnant (at least the last two) and now time is going by too fast. I really wish I would have started a journal while I was pregnant with him. I would have wanted Caden to be able to read about his journey before he was born and to know how much I loved him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I wasn't supposed to start my next cycle until Saturday, but I had some home pregnancy tests that you could take up to 5 days early. It was a Wednesday morning and I knew the night before I was going to take the test the next morning. I woke up around 4am and couldn't fall back asleep. Needless to say, I got up and took the test. It came back with two lines almost immediately. I started crying (happy tears of course) and jumped on the bed waking up Ryan to tell him the news. He couldn't have been happier.

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Caden seems to be very amazed with these little fists of his. You'll see him put his arms straight out and look at his hands like it is the best thing since sliced bread. I think of that movie "Look Whose Talking" and I here Mikey's voice talking for Caden. He is sucking on his fist more and more. It's always his left hand. I wonder if that means he will be left handed?





We are getting our routine down with no problem so far. We wake up around 4:15am on work days. {Yawn} Makes me tired while thinking about it. I like getting to work early, so I can leave by 3:30pm and have more time with my son. Caden will typically eat right away and then he falls back asleep in his swing while I get ready. Next is a diaper change, load the car and we are out the door. I'm so thankful he does not have to be in day-care. I think leaving him would be so much harder on me. He stays with his Grandma on Monday, a friend of the family on Tuesday and Thursday, at home with Ryan on Wednesday and with me on Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday he is staying in the house that is next door to the home I grew up in. It's nice driving by our old home every week. It brings back good memories.

First Father's Day

We have a great past two nights. Caden slept through the night for the very first time and two nights in a row. He has been waking around 4-4:30am, which is perfect as that is the time I get up for work. So hopefully he can keep that going. Typically he wakes up around 1:30am and then 4:30am. He does not seem to be as gassy since last Wednesday evening. In fact, he has been such a joy and all smiles. Since Wednesday we have only had two crying fits because he was either too hot or tired.

Today is Ryan's first Father's Day. I put together a collage of pictures of Ryan and Caden with this poem: (I found this poem on Amazon). It made me cry the first time I read it.

MY DADDY'S HAND
Daddy, Take my hand in yours and you will plainly see,
How very much I need you now to love and care for me.
As my little hand grows, I will need you even more,
Everything I do in life, I have never done before.
Teach me to be kind and loving, sharing and forgiving,
Show me through your acts of love the pure joy of living.
The years will pass by quickly and one day I will be grown,
I will pass what you have taught me onto children of my own.
Hold me always in your thoughts and remember when we are apart,
The special love between a child and a daddy's heart.

Playing catch up..

I'm not going to lie.. the first 4 weeks were the hardest, but like everyone told me - it does get easier. It probably wouldn't have been so hard if I had more sleep, but that doesn't happen when you have a baby. In the beginning Caden would wake up every 1-2 hours to eat. I'm breastfeeding and absolutely loving it. When I first found out I was pregnant I was not going to BF, and I'm glad I did the research and chose to instead. It just came so naturally. It is such a bonding experience and I will be so sad when I eventually give it up. As all babies lose weight after they were born, Caden weighed 6lbs 12oz when he left the hospital. Two days later I had to take him to the pediatrician and he was up to 6lbs 14oz. One week later I had to take him back for a weigh in to be sure he was getting enough food from me and he gained a whole pound in one week! I've heard it can take 2 weeks for a baby to get back up to their birth weight and Caden did this in one week with an additional 7 ounces. He is such a good eater.

My mom flew in when Caden was 3 weeks old and stayed for about a week. I think she was in her glory seeing her first grandson. It was great having her here and helping me out. Her company kept me from feeling so lonely. With Ryan working midnights and sleeping during the day it was getting very lonesome for me. We took Caden to the pediatrician for his one month check up on May 13th and he was up to 9lbs 10oz. Way to go Caden! Here are a few photos from when my mom was in visiting:

We had Caden's pictures taken when he was one month old. That was not much fun for any us. I felt rushed and poor Caden was hungry and tired. He was fussy most of the time, but we got a few good pictures. I didn't order the newborn pictures from the hospital, so I that is why we did the one month pictures of Caden. His pictures do not do him justice.

I was off work for 7 weeks and they were the fastest 7 weeks of my life. I remember when I was first pregnant and how slow those 7 weeks went by. The last 4 weeks of my pregnancy dragged on and on. Now here we are back to work and Caden will be 2 months on Tuesday, June 17th. It was hard going back to work. I'm only working Monday through Thursday right now, so having Friday off to spend with Caden is a blessing. I can't believe how big he is getting already. He has the cutest smile in the world. When you see that smile it makes all those hard days all worth it.

He recently discovered his left hand and sucks away at it. It looks like he is trying to find his thumb, but hasn't quite mastered keeping it in his mouth. Here are a few of my favorite pictures of him.

Previous Entries

I had started a website for Caden on a different site, however, this site is much easier to use. With that said, I'm tranferring my journal entries over from the old site to this blog.


1 week old today posted on 04/24/2008
Caden is already a week old!! I can't believe how fast this past week went by even though the first couple of days are one big blur. He is doing so well and eating like a champ. Breastfeeding is more demanding than I ever thought - my tatas are on demand 24/7. One more week and I can start pumping and introducing a bottle, which will give me a break once a day. I know Ryan wants to feed him to to have that bonding experience with him.
Caden has slept really good the last two nights, which makes his mommy happy. It's now a little harder during the day than at night. Ryan has been working a lot, and when he is home he sleeps most of the time getting ready for the next days work. He is training someone to take on some of his stores, so hopefully things get better and he has more time at home once his friend is fully trained.
Mia is doing exceptionally well with Caden too! She is very gentle around Caden and will lay by us during feeding time. It's too cute. I am so impressed with her. It's almost as if she knows Caden is a little baby and very fragile.
I think I'm still in shock that this little man is ours and that we created him. I love him to pieces.

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Introducing Caden Michael posted on 04/22/2008
Caden Michael was born April 17, 2008 weighing 7lbs 7oz and 19.50 inches long.I woke up Wednesday morning with some weird pains in my lower abdomen and lower back. I first thought I was just sore from sleeping, but noticed the pain was coming in 10 minute intervals. This went on most of the day, so DH and I decided to go to the mall to walk around and I had to return an outfit of Caden's. I ended up exhanging it for a really cute bathing suit.The contractions continued and became closer together around 6pm. By 7pm they were about 5 minutes apart so we packed up the dog and headed to the kennel and then off to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital and checked in my contractions were right on top of each other, but I was only dilated to 2.5cm. They gave me some pain relief which slowed down my labor. Around midnight I asked for the epidural, so they could break my water. I was only at 3cm by then. A couple hours after they broke my water I dilated to 5.5, but was standing still so the doctor requested a little bit of pitocin. I got to 8 cm and my labor slowed down again. This was now 5 or 6 am, so more pitocin was requested. I finally got to 10 cm and the nurses said Caden was laboring well and they would call for my doctor, but if I felt the urge to push to call the nurse right away. I started feeling the urge to push, which I thought you would not be able to feel with the epidural. It hurt so bad and I was extremely exhausted. I had absolutely no energy left to push. My DH was so supportive and I could not have gone through this labor without him. He kept me going and pushing. I was so schocked that he actually watched the entire birth. I pushed and pushed with lots of crying for about 45-50 minutes and Caden was born. Overall the labor was great except for the length of time it took. I had no complications and Caden was born as healthy as they come. I could not feel more blessed than I do right now.

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Progress and emotions..posted on 04/10/2008
Yesterday was a really weird and emotional day for me. I was feeling pretty in the morning, but as the day progressed I seemed to get more and more depressed. This entire pregnancy I've been rather content and happy. My emotions and hormones never got the best of me and I was suprised - I think Ryan was too! I came home from work and was in an okay mood, but my okay mood turned into complete sadness. I couldn't even look myself in the mirror - I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I actually went upstairs on the computer because I didn't even want Ryan looking at me. I have alwalys thought and still do that being pregnant is the most beautiful sight in the world. I just felt... icky.. I know I'm at the end of my pregnancy, I'm uncomfortable and feeling rather large.
When I did come downstairs to watch Two and Half Men .. Ryan could tell I was upset because I wasn't laughing. I ALWAYS laugh at that show. I ended up breaking down and he listened. I felt much better to get it out.. or maybe I just needed a cry. Either way I felt better and still feel good today.
I had my 38/39 week appointment today. The doctor said I was dilated to 1.5cm and approximately 75% effaced. All that in one week! I know I could walk around like this for another week or two, but it gives me comfort knowing my body is getting ready for the big day. I sure hope it's soon. If I could choose, I would like it to be Sunday. I want to clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping before I go into labor. I know it's not my choice. My lil boy will come when he is good and ready. My next appointment is on April 17th if I don't go into labor before then.

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38 weeks and 3 days posted on 04/08/2008
Caden is still nice and cozy in his mommy's belly even though his mommy is not so comfortable. Today was the first day I could not put on my wedding ring . I guess I should consider myself lucky to make it this far with no swelling. I really felt yesterday that this week might be it, but that feeling went away this morning. Maybe if I don't think about waiting for him to arrive.. time won't go as slow.. just maybe.
I had Braxton Hicks for 2 days straight and now nothing. I would rather have the real deal at this point. LOL! A few more people made a comment of how it appears the baby has dropped, so that is a good sign. I have my next doctor appointment this Thursday, so hopefully there is some progress made.
I am really excited and just a tad nervous about labor. I know I can't control anything, so I am just going to take it as it comes. I've been having a lot of dreams of giving birth - not actually giving birth, but me at the hospital after birth holding my little boy. It feels like my mind races at night in my dreams.
Caden has the hiccups right now. I wonder how much he'll have them after he is born. Each week his hiccups feel stronger and stronger. It is hard to sit still - even for him. He squirms all around when he gets them. Poor kiddo! I know I don't like them.

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The waiting game....posted on 04/06/2008
I probably should have started this site when I first found out I was pregnant. I'm regretting it now, but I guess it is never too late to start. I'm 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. I thought this website would be a great way for me to keep my family and friends updated and share precious moments of Caden once he is born (which will hopefully be soon). This waiting game is just not fun. I should probably be enjoying my last couple of days/weeks, but I am just so ready to meet my lil man. Every day I wonder will today be the day? Last night I was having some weird pains in my lower abdomen. It hurt so bad I couldn't even lay down. I got up and walked around some and sat on the stairs for a while. Whether it was contractions or not - it eventually went away. It's come back again this afternoon, but nothing consistent. My belly keeps hardening, but its not painful. Probably just some Braxton Hicks (BH). It only seems to bother me if I'm laying down. It could just be the pressure of Caden as I think he has moved down a little further and I also did a lot of walking this weekend. I'm trying to walk the kid out of me, but he is not having any of it. My mom says if he is anything like his father he won't ever want to get out of bed. LOL!
I'm due April 19th and if I don't go into labor on my own by then, I am scheduled to be induced on April 22nd. I really hope I go into labor on my own as I do want to experience it all naturally.